Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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