I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
