Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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