We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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