At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
