there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
