AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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