have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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