Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
