ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
