i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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