hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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