apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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