Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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