I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
