i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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