I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
