Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
