bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
