oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
