we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
