dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
