I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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