Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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