Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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