I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
