He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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