You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
