I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
