oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
