I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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