she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize