I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize