i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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