pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
