Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
