dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
