the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
