the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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