As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
