It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize