I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
