I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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