I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
