Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Green mimosas i think yes
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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