The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
