I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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