Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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