I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize