i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
