I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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