You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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