when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
