Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
