Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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