Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
