You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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