At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize