the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
