Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
