I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my liver is dry heaving
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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