You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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