and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
