I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The struggles of a small town man whore
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
