I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
