mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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