Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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