I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
