I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
