That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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