that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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