well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
