Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
