we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
