if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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