Welp...herpes.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
