just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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