Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
