I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize