Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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