is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
